Ode to Umbrella
by Shady-777
Summary: John works for Umbrella, and he loves work so much he made up a song to express his joy! This is a short oneshot humor piece starring John: the unhinged workaholic. It's admittingly not the best ever, but if it makes you smile then I've done my job!


**_A/N: _**Just a quick little piece I wrote between chapters of The Curse Of Veronica to get the creative juices flowing. Pure humor here. Enjoy. ^_^

**_Disclaimer: _**I don't own Resident Evil. I do, however, own John, a fact I am not so sure I should be proud of! O.o

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" Breeeeeeeet! Breeeeeeeet! Breeeeeeeet! Breee..."

John rolled over and cheerfully tapped the alarm, silencing it. With a big yawn, he sat up and stretched, the blankets falling around him in a soft puddle. Bed was warm, bed was nice, but now it was 5:30 AM and time to get up for yet another marvelous day at the job. 

And what a job it was!

He thought of his work, and he couldn't help but smile. Words could not describe how lucky he was to be a head researcher of Team White of the wonderful corporation that was Umbrella. The pay was good....make that _great_...the benefits were endless, the work was fun, and is if all that weren't already enough to make it all the most enjoyable experience ever, he was constantly getting promoted as other people quit, or mysteriously vanished without so much as a written notice. John couldn't figure out why, it was such a perfect job!

_I wonder what's in store for me today? _Well, he'd better find out! And there was only one way to do that. He popped out of bed with bells on his toes, as the saying went, and hummed all the way over to his dresser, to pick out the day's suite.

It went without saying that John was a sad workaholic with no life. Always the first to arrive and the last to leave, he worked weekends, holidays, Christmas, mornings, afternoons, evenings, graveyard, his birthday, his families' birthdays--any time Umbrella wanted him, he'd show up with a cheery smile, ready to give his best. Rain, snow, or apocalypse. It was for that very reason that he had no wife and few friends. For some weird reason, most of his co-workers seemed to think he was a brown-noser.

They were just jealous, and John didn't let their petty thoughts impede his work performance. Silly slackers, they didn't know what it meant to be truly devoted to something. They could never appreciate hard work.

Once the day's attire had been established and put on, the happy employee started for the bathroom to shave. 

That's when it hit him, he'd had forgotten to do the Morning Song! Volcanoes erupted, a horse neighed, lightning cracked, and a cat screamed. How horrible! How could he have been so thoughtless?

Maybe it was because he'd been born with it, or maybe it was because he'd been spending far too much time in the labs after hours inhaling dangerous chemicals, the fact was that John was not the most sane person in the world.

Because he was a little unhinged, he had developed a song to sing each morning before work to properly express his praise and joy towards Umbrella. It was a melody which he believed would ensure good luck and prosperity. As he danced into the bathroom, he cleared his throat and burst into song; a disharmonic, grating sound, for he was not terribly good at it :

" To join Umbrella is such wonderful fantastic fate, 

We worship the splendid symbol, Umbrella's great!

To carry our proud name, oh that's a treat!

Working for Umbrella, now that's neat!

Shoot, kill, and rescue is the job of Team Red,

Monsters, zombies, and S.T.A.R.S. members we all shoot dead.

The order is given, each member grabs a gun,

If you can't hide you'd better well run!

In the labs chemicals and formulas are mixed through the night, 

Bio-engineering is the job of Team White!

Beating in the chest of the mutation is the heart, 

Our scientists did it, they succeeded, Umbrella's so smart!

Yes of chemicals, secrecy, and illegal operations I am fond, 

I will never falter or slack on the job, too strong is my bond,

So if you like action and adventure Umbrella is the place,

Hurry, don't loiter, race, race, RACE!

We are so successful in our work that at this rate,

Umbrella will rule the world! Oh, don't open that crate!

I work for Umbrella, that's such a treat,

I work for Umbrella, Umbrella can't be beat!

The red and white emblem is worthy of my praise,

The success and growth of this corporation I will help to raise!

The legacy I will carry on, to the company I'm loyal forever,

I'm a proud worker for Umbrella, for ever and ever and EVER! "

After he was done with his shave, he gathered his things and headed out the door to his car.

Heaven called.


End file.
